A Letter Of Encouragement

Dear People Exercising in the Park Early In The Morning,

Good Morning! My name is Janina and I've been a Brooklynite for about 5 and a half years, so I'd say I've earned my stars in becoming an expert at "How To Live In Brooklyn". What I'd like to address is this waking up at 5:30 in the morning EVERY morning- including winter mornings- and doing your exercises in the little land just adjacent to my home. I see you every morning with your casual clothes. Let me just tell you that this is NOT appropriate exercising apparel. There is plenty of spandex to be had at your local Wal-Mart or Target. Shoot, you could even go to Modell's. Let's dress for success, shall we?

Second topic, I don't like your style, I don't like your moves. And I don't feel I'm going out on a limb saying this drives the rest of the world crazy too. Enough with the high-kicks, the backward walking, the flamingo stepping,the crazy hip gyrations, the wild whirling of your arms!!! YOU'LL POKE AN EYE OUT-if not someone else's eye, then maybe your own!! Why not stick to the safer basics: push-ups, sit-ups, and jogging (believe that's pronounced with a soft J- like "YOGGING"). Think it'll do you all a world of good while keeping you nice and fit. And it'll keep the rest of us from making fun of you. It's a Win-Win situation.

However I admit to admiring your determination and lack of self-consciousness. You seem to be secure in your man/womanhood to be out there every day acting like what you're doing is absolutely normal. Good for you!

And just so you know I'm not being an exercise-bigot here, let me say that I too am a virtuoso in fun & fitness. Yet I do it as God intended. I wake up in the morning,JUMP out of bed, walk to the bathroom- one stealthy foot in front of the other, I walk to my bureau, I open the drawers with a backward-forward thrust of my arms, I bend from the waist and lift items of clothing off my floor. For some light aerobic action, I soap-up in a circular motion as I shower. Note that none of my exercise routine requires public observation. And yet look at this body! What an Adonis?!

Therefore, in conclusion, I entreat you dear people to take heed to my lofty lead and stay home and stretch.

Yours Sincerely,
A Neighbor Named Janina Who's A Brooklynite, I Promise