SuperHero

Poseidon, Athena, Triton, Nike, Thor, Zeus, Thoth, Memphis, Superman, Invisible Woman, The Hulk. Since the beginning of time and in every crevice of human society there have been elaborate myths conjured up to create a world of extraordinary people with extraordinary abilities. To some though they are not mere stories.

However today, after long scientific progress and a few background checks, our general populace have become desensitized to the idea that such creatures are real. Of course we are the few who know better, right?

For instance, it has come upon me to tell the world (because the people have the right to know) that I have found a band of Superheroes scattered through out the United States and this has caused me to suspect there are more hiding in the world!

Mediocre Man- aka Joel "Joey Bear" Labrucherie, Bayport,MN. In an exclusive interview with him he tells me about his superpower, "Well, you see I could shoot you with my laser vision (I won't but just to say I did) however it's only mildly irritating". When asked about his superhero costume, Mediocre Man replies, "Well I thought, ' I'm not flashy like that Superman in his red and blue tight suit and cape' so I went to Sears and decided that the Brown velure tracksuit would be sporty but not too brazen for my job." That about sums it up.

Captain Obvious- aka Amanda "Jamanda" Labrucherie, Bayport, MN. An interesting factoid is the serendipitous marriage of Captain Obvious to Mediocre Man. Incidentally, Amanda was looking for a middle of the spectrum guy-not too smart, not too dumb-just kind of alright-and she bumped into Mediocre Man (off duty of course). Captain Obvious is notorius for saying things like,"Hey ever notice how birds can fly ?" and "I look like a woman" and "Tortillas smell like Mexican food ".

Increasingly Pessimistic Man-aka Jonathan "Bubba" Labrucherie, Spokane, WA. He leads the normal life of an 19 year old, working, pioneering, drinking Mt Dew. But under his hansome exterior lies a bubbling fountain of despondency and gloom. He is doubtful at best. When asked what he thought we could expect the world to be like in the future, he replied, "It'll be beautiful!!Well it should be alright. Maybe a little dark and smelly. Polution, Ozone Layer Depleting, birth defects. No, come to think of it, we're all gonna die." And that is Increasingly Pessimistic Man in a nutshell.

Fantastic Food Woman- aka Jessica "Didi" Labrucherie, Brooklyn, NY. Again, by day an ordinary little biscuit who romps the streets as a capable Administrative Assistant...but by night her apron comes out and oven mits go on! She is FANTASTIC FOOD WOMAN!! Watch her end world hunger while she whips up her mom's Cheshire Cat Casserole! Feeding the homeless bums on 8th Avenue with a hearty bowl of Homemade Chunky Chicken Soup! And then back to the daily grind, coffee cup in hand. But don't let her catch you throwing food. "Food Fights are no laughing matters. You just don't waste food by flinging it into someone's hair." Thank goodness for Goulash.

Admiral Amnesia- aka Janina "Beaner" Labrucherie, Brooklyn, NY (just left of Fantastic Food Woman). How much saving can one do when they can't remember what they walked into the room for? Constantly retracing her steps and asking passers-by if they know where she is, Admiral Amnesia roams the world leaving projects half-done and people half-saved. As time passes Admiral Amnesia hopes (at least she thinks so) that she will graduate to General Alzheimers or Major Memory-Loss. Common quotes from Admiral Amnesia, "I'm sorry, what was I saying before?" "Do you know me?" "How do you drive this thing?" "I have no idea where I am, who you are, or what in blazes I'm doing with this phaser!" "Am I allergic to starch?"If you find her lolligagging around your neighborhood, do her a favor and make her comfortable.

With this public service announcement now commencing, I urge you, good and virtuous people of Earth to set out in discovering more Superheroes. And report back to me....I think.