So it's come down to a little retribution...for myself that is. I've been accused of posting people's negative aspects-blonde moments and funny faces-on my website. And I'd have to hang my head in shame and say, "Why of course you are in the right. I am a sack of worthless cow dung or as Bubba put it...a sow...sow, cow...what's the difference? They rhyme and I've got the time" (Sorry, I get on these tangents) But now I will even deface myself-afterwhich you may jab at me as well- by telling you a story of a girl named Jed * (*some names have been changed to Jed).
This little girl, Jed, was the ripe old age of 10...or whatever age you have to be to be in 3rd grade. Jed was the third child in her household of four children, with an older more beautiful sister, Joss, and an older and much stronger brother, Jack. She also had a younger but shorter brother named Jebidiah or Buster for short. But unfortunately Buster was too young to be in this story...in fact I quite forgot where I put Buster during the making of this story. Oh well, onto the story.
One day Jed, Joss, and Jack were walking home from a grueling day at the Green Mountain Elementary School off the Seabeck Highway in Washington State. The walk home took them a good half hour from the bus stop, for Jed's family lived way back in the woods with rabbits, chickens, horses, dogs, and 2 cats-one that liked to live in car engines so much, she finally drove herself to the little Chevy in the sky...but that's another story for another day.
So Jed, Joss, and Jack were walking the hideous death march back home. Suddenly Jed was struck with a severe case of the "pee-pee dance"- Doctors haven't found a perminant cure to this odd phenomenon but say that squirming around and whining helps relieve it a great deal. There was poor little Jed, having uriological issues on a dusty road in the middle of the school year-which we all know is tragedy enough...the school year that is. Bushes weren't the answer...did you know what came out of bushes..Jed knew-sometimes there were scarey THINGS in bushes- ants for instance that could crawl up your leg and hitch a ride in your pants and make you do a WHOLE OTHER dance!!! So Jed danced her way home as Joss and Jack did there best to assist Jed amidst their struggle to stifle a few giggles. They had the appearance of being good children.
The three little soldiers finally walked up the steep mountain that was their drive way, greeted by their ol' pal Susie the Smelly Dog (no joke Sue). But Jed had no time for Susie NOW! Her dance had quickened in pace and increased in uproarious outrageousness. Jed squirmed and whined in urgency!! Joss, the bearer of the house key and thereby our would-be savior, took out the item. Joss fumbled at the keyhole, winked at her brother Jack, and mocked Jed's plight by feigning a failed entry. Jack took over now, wrestling with the doorknob that was blatantly unlocked but not to be set ajar by the cruel siblings. They smirked and shouted fake cries of "I can't get the door AJAR!!" to Jed who stood helplessly at the bottom of the front porch steps!!
Then it happened. The entire inhabitants of the friendly woodland testify to the shrill plea that rang, that echoed, that BELLOWED FORTH in the surrendering shriek from Jed's tiny mouth. Her nefarious brother and sister turned around and saw that Jed succumbed to the ill-fate of the affliction AND....wet herself. Jed's favorite courdoroy pants would not be worn to school the next day, for they had been defiled. Jed's dignity, and entire life, brought down in one fell-swoop!!!
And even till this day, Joss and Jack look back, hearts heavy with grief, and think, "Jed has never been the same since. We were naughty, impish, puckish, roguish, scampish, devilish, ungovernable offspring then. Never shall we be thus again!!!"
The End.
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